Problems with my ex
Hi i wonder if anyone can help. i do apologise in advance if this goes on a bit.
right to start with, my ex and i split once i found out she had cheated on me. we have a son who is now 9 months old.
I have tried everything to keep the peace with her and make sure my son is well cared for. She is a good mum when she is away from her friends.
I have my son 2 nights a week and once or twice during the week depending on my work shifts. i love having my son and will not give it up for anything.
now i have had all sorts of problems with my ex including telling lies where we live, inviting men to stay in the house with my child in there. after only knowing them a short time (weeks). the latest one was to hack into my social networking account a send messages to friends on there. if i even dream of speaking to another female she goes crazy and threatens not seeing my child. also we have times set up and she nearly always does not stick to them.
basically i think i need to sort out by law proper visitation and joint cusody. not sure where to go or how to sort this.
also if she is claiming she will not sign anything will that cause problems?
anyway i hope someone can help with some advice. thankyou for reading.
P.S. sorry for any spelling errors
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Hi Jolly 412
Welcome to One Space. Bubblegum has given you all the right info, he has been through the system and knows what happens. I would agree that a solicitor is the way forward but first write to her yourself and say you want to invite her to mediation. Ok it does not sound like she will respond positively but keep a copy and also write it in your notebook that you have tried this. Then go to the solicitor. If you have not got a recommendation for one, click this link.
It is possible that if it goes to court the judge may order you both to mediation as an initial step anyway. The court would only want to stop parenting time if there is violence or substance abuse or other worrying factors, which does not apply to the majority of people, of course!
I would mention you boy's mother has absolutely no say in any new relationships you might make and only has any "right" to be concerned if the new partner is in your boy's life, and even then, only if there are concerns about safety.
Hello Jolly 412
Yes please look into getting a solicitor and if possible do stay calm and bit your lip these things do take time been there myself and you just got to write down every little atempt to arrange contact and be reasonable as possible there lots of emotions running high.
Do get a diary of events no matter how long it take as it always comes in handy, as they say you carnt be reasonable with a unreasonable person, you want to be part of you childs life good luck for you its worth it.
I know theres lots of parents use the children as a weapon to hurt the other parent and yes its not fair and hard on you but do keep your chin up and you will get there.
Stuart
hi jolly412
First time posting so bear with me. Having been through the whole custody/court system recently I'd like to share what knowledge I picked up along the way. First off a solicitor is essential in the whole matter, a solicitor will suggest mediation as the first course of action. This is through specialty companies that offer this service, they do charge unless you have legal aid which will cover the costs of mediation.
Mediation as it is, is a voluntary thing and the other person can refuse it without giving any reason. Your only course of action after that is the courts. Keep a diary about events which you find might help you put your concerns forward. Keep texts and communications were the other parent has threatened stopping access etc. Going through the court system CAFCASS will get involved and write reports about the living arrangements and things like that. If you have your son 2 nights a week and sometimes more all of this will go in your favour don't go to court worried that you might loose some access that is not the case, its more likely you will gain more.
Even if you do go to court and go through all the processes, at the end of the day if you both can reach an agreement and all the parties involved (you, your ex and cafcass) find it satisfactory and its in the best interests of the child a judge will accept that and not pass their own judgement on the matter. I hope this has helped a bit I know its not easy and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, good luck.
Hi Kevopolli
Welcome to One Space! 
Thanks for the input, it is one thing Anna and I being able to tell someone about the process but it is invaluable to hear from someone who has recently had experience of the whole process. Same goes for you, stuart!
I relied on cafcass document quoting "children need to feel they have twon homes regardless of where they live"
you sying about stopped access for drug abuse etc - i raised concerns over my exs mental health and what she was saying about her dad - which was concerning, i was ingnored and laughed at by authorities and ss (social services) stopped me seeing my daughter becaause of my size and had me reomoved from police as i might use police powers to find her - yes my concerns were right - a year later another ss raised exact same concerns as myself in which my daaughters life was put at risk - we are still havigng trouble with ss and they trying to cover up and just been caught out altering my daughters medical records and engineering alligations of abuse so watch your step - get a dicterphone etc
Hello paul980
Sadly you have had a lot of bad experiences going through the system. Thank you for sharing this with us though, as it is not something that is often talked about
i know - this subject is kept quiet - i was passed a report from my sw today - they have comfirmed that i have been clean and non abusive all my life but now have been told risk of abuse to ex in years to come -soyou cant win with them :(
Hi
Get a solicitor, find one in your local high-street, ask friends if they can recommend one, your local CAB might be able to help.
I think that first solicitors must refer you to mediation and that courts are seen as a last resort, at least the government would like that to be the case anyway. If it does go to court then CAFCAS will be involved, they will asses the situation and make a report to the courts... this will all take some time.
Meanwhile get a note book and record everything even vaguely relevant, dates, times what happens etc.
I'm sure others can post better info, this is just off the top of my head. But basically, get a solicitor.
Courts don't want to stop any parent from seeing the children and some sort of mutual agreement is better all round.
Later