Good parents dont smoke???!!!

Login or register to post comments


I have finally had it with society in general! (apologies if this turns in to a rant!)

Yes I smoke, yes I smoke more than 30 a day, yes I smoke in my home and (wait for it) yes I smoked whilst I was pregnant!

Before everyone jumps on me about this let me explain that nobody could hate me for this more than I hate myself! My addiction to nicotine has become an absolute thron in my side. Before you start suggesting tips for quitting let me list what I have already tried;

Champix (twice - second time was on the course 6 months and still smoking before the doctor decided to take me off it. I appreciated the weight loss tho!)

Patches, Gum, Inhalators & Lozengers ( simply just created an additional addiction)

Will Power (Believe me I have lots of this but after a few weeks I always cave in)

Hypnosis (Twice - two different therapists. Is there something wrong with me??? They advertised that 9 out of 10 quit?!)

'Easyway' by Allen Carr Read the book twice and have just finished the second book 'Onlyway' I absolutely believe these book were the best method I tried and on both times of reading 'Easyway' I successfully quit (once for 18 months) but whenever something stressful happens I run back to Nicotine)

Shockingly, this is not the full list of what I have tried. And I have spent an absolute fortune trying to quit but just cant. If any of you smoke you will understand that feeling of despair when those adverts come on the tv with the kids speaking directly to their mums/dads saying they dont want them to die. My daughter has now picked up on this and continuosly goes on at me to quit. It is not that I am ignoring her - I am trying and FAILING! and the guilt is horrendous.

Is there anyone else out there who can relate? (please dont anybody post "just dont smoke" because I have tried and tried and tried that one) Do you not feel like a bad parent because you smoke? I do and then other people reinforce this on me daily. Of course I love my daughter more than cigarettes but they somehow have a hold on me. Does anybody understand me?


(sorry rant over)

Posted on: February 26, 2012 - 12:52pm
Ali Jay

Hi littleangel,

right back at ya, yep I smoke too, of course I cant justify it and the adverts make me feel so awful but it is an addiction and its so hard to conquer, i've tried and failed too, i did however manage to not smoke whilst pregnant but it didnt take long for the nagging craving to win after the baby was a few months old.

To be honest even though its a disgusting habit it does help at times of stress, no i cant condone it but when the kids are in bed i have been known to retire to the garden to reflect on life whilst smoking away.

Dont beat yourself up maybe one day you will be sucessful in kicking the habit, or maybe you will always be a smoker, there are worse things in life to be.

A friend of mine is using the inhallator at the moment, i must admit i think next time i give it a bash i may try this option as my usual tatics are cold turkey and pure will power.

love yourself as you are

ali x

Posted on: February 26, 2012 - 1:35pm

The chap who fitted the walk in shower here was using the inhalor and said it was the first thing he found that helped...

My oldest smokes an I'm so disappointed that he started. 

Having said that, I'm not anti-smoking....

Posted on: February 26, 2012 - 2:51pm

The inhalator didnt do it for me frown I enjoyed using it but I still smoked aswell!

Nearly every ex-smoker I know quit using hypnosis which is why I forked out for two seperate sessions - but nothing!

The sad part is I do suffer physically because of it. I have very harsh asthma and have had bronchitis twice and pneumonia once. Going to the doctors just entails another lecture about how I must quit. So frustrating because I want nothing more than to be smoke free! I hate smoking! The fact these evil little cigarettes dominate me as they do drives me insane crying

Posted on: February 26, 2012 - 3:32pm

Hi littleangel. You made me laugh, expecting a whole heap of abuse or whatever for admitting you're a smoker hehe. Now, if you were on Netmums, that might have caused a huge eruption, but at One Space, we don't judge people, and we certainly don't go in guns blazing. I'm a smoker too, and like you, I've tried on a number of occassions to give up the filthy habit. I've tried Champix, it did work for a while, but then I went back to it, tut! I've bought the Allen Carr book (not so long ago), also bought the chargeable cig, and still I'm smoking (tut). Last week I bought patches, and they are sitting in my bag (not opened). I have an operation coming up next Monday, and despite this, I'm still puffing. Like your daughter, my son also nags me about the advert, saying he'd like to go on TV to speak to me. I wish I could wave a magic wand I really do. At Christmas I was so ill with a chest infection, and just the other week the same thing. Frightened me to death, if I'm honest, but still......... 

If you're serious about giving up, perhaps you and I and maybe Ali Jay could set up a thread on here and encourage each other to do it? At least we'd know we weren't on our own. What do you think?

Posted on: February 26, 2012 - 3:52pm
Parenting specialist

Nicotine is one of the most addictive drugs of all. I have always said to my boys the best thing to do is not to start. Eldest does smoke but not heavily.

I do believe that once you have been "hooked in" then you never get free completely. I stopped smoking when I wanted to have children, and stayed smoke free for FOURTEEN YEARS then when I got into an abusive relationship I started again. Gave up for a second time two years later and I have now been stopped for almost eight years. However, the first thing I thought as I walked away from the hospital where my Mum had just died was "I want a cigarette" I think it has definitely stayed with me.

The best thing we can do it to try and smoke outside and away from the children, especially when they are small, to cut down as much as we can and look at reducing stress or finding other ways to cope (not always easy to cut down stress when it is being caused by someone else!) The ONLY tip that helped me when trying to cut down was to delay the first one of the day by as much as possible and I always think extra fruit and veg are helpful as smoking can deplete vitamins.

As for doctors....I guess every little thing you get is put down to smoking. My friend had a cyst in her breast and was told it was because she smoked. If we all went to the doctor with a blister on our toe, one of us would be told it was due to smoking, another due to being overweight, another due to drinking too much and another due to the menopause.

However, I do think that smokers have recently been made the "demons" of society. There are many things that I find offensive (people spitting in the street for example) but smoking isn't one of them.

Posted on: February 26, 2012 - 4:00pm

Hazeleyes - fab idea! I am sooo up for it! I think we should call it  We WILL quit!  and choose a date for us all to attempt it and then encourage each other. What do you reckon?

Lol the reason I expected abuse is because I get it from everyone! I am one of the last smokers of my gang and all my ex-smoker friends have become those 'holier than thou' types.

Louise you are so right about the doctors, I am currently in my second week of an awful ear infection caused by (you guessed it) smoking! great isnt it! Doctor has even stopped my antibiotics even though the swelling is still there and told me to just cut down on cigs and it will clear?! (really?!) Also I once had fallen arches in my feet (really painful condition) and one doctor told me it was because I was overweight (I am not skinny but not obese 12st and 5' 5") but I went straight back the next day as pain was so unbearable and the second doctor said it was nothing to do with my weight but to do with the structure of the bones in my feet.

As for smoking in the house, I know I shouldnt but I live in a flat and its 2 floors up (no balcony) so it not that simple just to nip outside. I smoke in my room and the kitchen with the window open but must admit I smoke in the living room when my daughter goes to bed.

Posted on: February 26, 2012 - 4:57pm
Parenting specialist

Hi there, I am a smoker too cool No its not cool and its not clever. (That smiley is me hiding my face, not being cool)

My daughter used to go on and on about it when she was smaller, I continuously explained addiction to her and how she should never get caught by the demon weed and actually I think this has set her in good stead being a teenager and being around drugs and smoking etc. As she is just not interested.

I did watch Allen Carr's video self help DVD and that worked a treat, for a week, I didn't even think about cigarettes!

Now I only smoke next to an open window, I think since the smoking ban, it has got easier not to just light up in the front room with no windows open.

If you decide to give up here online, I will support you, not sure if I will join in, but will back you all the way smiley

I guess everyone has seen these sites:

Tips to help you stop smoking


Posted on: February 27, 2012 - 3:55pm

I paid the money years ago to an Allen Carr's Easy way clinic - i have never smoked since - one thing i would say is that i found it difficult the first week - once or twice and i phoned the help line and said "aarggh I need a cigarette" the person i spoke to said "answer me this one question" "if you have a cigarette will it change the situation you are in?" i knew the answer to be no! so i didn't even bother having one!

there were a few people at the session who said - I stopped years ago but then my mum died/ i split up with my partner etc and I remember thinking how can you stop for years and then start again.  Well i must admit since i have split up with my husband i have come really close to having a cigarette but then i know it will change absolutely nothing!

i hope i don't sound like i am preaching but it was well worth the money to go on the course - i used to smoke about 40 a day!

i never say "i gave up smoking" i just say i have stopped smoking - the course taught me to think about smoking in a different way and stop kidding myself

i hope others find a way to stop and feel better about themselves - sending you all positive vibessmiley

Posted on: February 27, 2012 - 5:46pm

Well done lrh. You've done really well, and not even smoking again when you split from husband.

Anna, I might now have to go and get the DVD. I thought you said the book before, so off I went and got that! Do waterstones do DVDs? Actually I shall take a look on line.

littleangel, get set and all geared up, then we're off

Posted on: February 27, 2012 - 8:49pm
Parenting specialist

Hi hazeleyes here is the DVD.

Well done you littleredhen, it sounds like you have well and truly conquered those weak moments.

Going to a face to face group would be challenging because you have your peers disapproval to contend with! 

Although I am looking forward to you guys doing it together online, we will all be cheering you on and hopefully ex smokers will join in and add tips!

Posted on: February 28, 2012 - 12:28pm

Well done littleredhen. I have to say of all the methods I have tried Allen Carr was by far the best. Strangely enough for the 18 months I quit using his method I didnt ONCE want a cigarette! Not even on day one! That is why I feel such a mug to be smoking right now because I cant diagree with a single word in that book, everything he says is true. The saddest fact is when I started to smoke again I actually had to FORCE myself to get used to cigarettes again - what a fool! The reason I threw myself back in to the smoking pit? Because I gained some weight (not as a result of quitting but as a result of overeating during xmas) and for some reason unknown to me now I thought it would be a clever idea to start smoking in order to lose weight. I now know this was absolute nonsense because I never lost a single pound (smoking does NOT aid weight loss, people gain weight when quitting because they try to substitute nicotine with food - something I didnt do when i actually quit). If only I could go back to my crazy self before I bought that pack of cigs - idiot!

Problem is now that I have read the book (both editions) the message just doesnt seem to have that magical effect it did first timefrown

Hazeleyes if you have the book or the dvd you will probably find quitting a breeze. I have a law exam next thurs so cant contemplate a quit before then lol

Posted on: February 28, 2012 - 5:59pm

aah but littleangel remember that smoking won't change the stress you feel about the examwink

good luck seriously though - just try and remember those messages and tell yourself you want to stop smoking - not give up - there is nothing to give upsmiley

good luck with the exam also

Posted on: February 28, 2012 - 7:05pm

Thanks hun. I know there is nothing to give up but everything to gain wink

Its just that big monster nagging in my head... lol Love that book.

Posted on: February 28, 2012 - 7:55pm

Had to bring this back to life because I NEED to quit! I am a very bad asthmatic (i know am a fool for smoking!) and when the sun comes out breathing is difficult. I am puffing on 4 different inhalers and taking steroids just to keep my oxygen levels up - so why the hell am I smoking???!!! Even losing family members to smoking related illnesses hasnt done it?!

This is a battle that is really doing my head in, why cant I win?! I escaped violence, got in to uni with no a levels, have lost some weight (with a lot of sweat & tears), raised a child on my own from nothing, battled severe depression & anxiety - but those evil little cancer sticks keep beating me - grrrrrr!!!!

Allen Carr has done me well in the past but I cant read his books for a 3rd time so I am off to docs next week for some NRT and will be praying for a victory this time.

Will keep you posted...

Posted on: July 27, 2012 - 10:32am

let me tell you a little story 

I quit using an Allen Carr's clnic - at the time it was going to cost approx a month's worth of cigarettes (i used to smoke about 40 a day!)but it did have a money back guarantee so I thought what have I got to lose

At the clinic various people told their story and at least two had re-started because of divorce or death of a loved one

So I stopped smoking after attending the clinic and after a few days I was very agitated and upset and rang the helpline and said " I am so stressed I need a cigarette" the words of the advisor changed my life, he said

"Tell me, if you have a cigarette will it change your stressful situation?"

So of course I said "No but it will make me feel better"

He told me to go away from the situation for a few minutes and take some deep breaths and he told me that if I smoked a cigarette I might feel some temporary relief but then a few minutes later I would be annoyed with myself

So I did what he said and I carried on "not smoking" for the last 14 years - do you know I do occasionally think I could have a cigarette especially all I have been through but I tell myself these things

1) It won't change my circumstances

2) It will affect my health and that of my children

3) It will affect my finances and that of my children

4) I will be mad with myself for starting again

5) I am NOT going to let nicotine get a hold of my head again

Hope the above helpsCool

Posted on: July 27, 2012 - 11:34am

Thanks LRH, of course having read Allen Carr's Book (Easyway & Onlyway - Twice) I do know that cigarettes do not change any stressful event! I also know they create more problems and solve none - so why do i do it?! Only god knows the answer to that but having read the books I am questioning why I am even going for Nicotine Replacement when I know they only serve to keep me addicted to nicotine Arrrrgggh! If i had £120 I would go to the clinic but I cant afford it. I need my head testing for ever re-starting after reading Allen Carr's book!

Posted on: July 27, 2012 - 4:09pm


Posted on: July 28, 2012 - 6:58am

Lol LRH, I have been on twenty a day for a while now (from30). I probably could afford it if I didnt smoke for a month and stored up the money - but if I didnt smoke for a month I wouldnt need to go lol Its having £120 in one go to hand over thats the problem.

I do really want to go though so may have to be extra kind to other half and see if he will sub me Wink 

Posted on: July 27, 2012 - 8:18pm

littleangel. I think like you, actually no, I am like you. I can spend money a day on a packet of cigs, but don't have £120 straight away to spend out on quitting, so I know exactly where you're coming from. Have you tried the tablets? You can buy on line, or see your GP, if you don't have to pay for prescriptions. Can't think of the name right now, but will get back to you. xx

Posted on: July 27, 2012 - 10:30pm
Parenting specialist

So cutting down hasn't been viable for you, little angel? Have you ever tried those puffer things? you smoke them like a cigarette, I think Nicorette make them and you get them through the doctor.

Like LRH I gave up some time ago. And I agree that stress can bring back thoughts of smoking. When my Mum died, after the initial shock, my first thought was "I wish I still smoked" maybe it never goes away. And I am the one who did not smoke for 15 years and then got into an abusive relationship and started again. I finally stopped again by having a "giving-up buddy"

Let us know how you get on at the doctor

Posted on: July 28, 2012 - 9:07am

Thanks guys, Hazeleyes are the tablets you mean Champix? I have tried them but didnt quit last time (but did lose some weight lol) Your right £120 in one go is hard to raise but £6 a day seems somewhat affordable?! Lol crazy.

Louise, I am gonna check with doc if I can have the inhalor or the gum, I cant do patches they irritate my skin and dont fancy lozengers. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish I could just be one of them people who wake up one day and quit!

Posted on: July 29, 2012 - 10:01am
Parenting specialist

hmm well I don't know many of them!!!!! good luck at the doctor.

Posted on: July 29, 2012 - 2:44pm