Back to work: emotional and psychological changes

Login or register to post comments

Louise
Parenting specialist
DoppleMe

A few of us are getting back to work just now, and others are already working and others are preparing for/thinking about the world of work, with lots of different feelings. We have spent time discussing the practical things such as benefits, childcare (lack of!) dealing with the Job Centre etc but not the emotional and psychological processes that we are experiencing. We could have all sorts of feelings, for example we could feel:

  • Excited, at the start of a new phase of our life
  • Resentful, that we don't want to have to go to work and want to be a full time parent for a while longer.
  • Nervous, at starting something unfamiliar, "going back into the world"
  • Exhausted, wondering how we will find the energy to work and look after our families
  • Proud that we are giving a work-ethic and work role model to our children

Whatever stage you are at, what are your feelings?

Posted on: November 15, 2011 - 9:04am
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Just started as a Teacher Assistant this week, only doing 20 hours a week, half way through, and I'm totally shattered. Even though I'd been volunteering at the school, this is a whole new thing for me, it is stressful, but I'm sure it'll get easier as the weeks go by.

In between working, of course the shopping has to be done, washing, dinners etc etc, and still giving time to C. Last night, I was exhausted, and felt bad as I hadn't heard C read for a while, so even though I really couldn't be bothered, I HAD TOO. Before I got this job, I assured him that nothing will change, and that includes checking his homework, being able to play a game or two with him. He understands completely that I'm doing more stuff now in a shorter space of time, and he also knows by me now working, it'll help a bit more money wise (not much, but some). I am a stickler for routine, as I believe we all need that, so I'm trying to keep to it as much as I can.

Posted on: November 16, 2011 - 2:57pm
pinkgrapefruit

well done hazeleyes, the tiredness will get better as you get used to the job, I used to get stupidly tired, now its more of an occasional feeling rather than constant.  We have to concentrate so hard on any new job I think it just drains us.  You'll get into a new routine with the shopping etc and it won't do C any harm to see you do all of that and realise everything that is involved in being a grown up.

Well done on listening to C's reading regardless, you've made me feel bad tonight was the first night in ages I've let my son go to sleep without reading to me, we had a late night last night (long story) and he just needed some sleep tonight, hope i haven't set myself up for an argument though when i re-introduce the reading tomorrow, lol.  

Keep going - I'm sure you're doing a fab job, both at school and at home, its almost Friday :)

 

pg x

Posted on: November 16, 2011 - 10:27pm
Louise
Parenting specialist
DoppleMe

I agree, pg, you can build up your stamina over a period so hopefully you will feel better as time goes on, Hazeleyes and also it does provide a new perspective for C. Do you think you are sleeping better with being so exhausted?

Posted on: November 17, 2011 - 11:51am
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

I did try without sleeping tablet, but I was laying awake, desperate for sleep, to the point of praying for it, then getting agitated. I'm now back to taking half a tablet every night, and I'm asleep by 10, though I do wake in the night still, perhaps for an hour, then drift back off. So the exhaustion I can't blame on sleepness nights!!!

 

Posted on: November 18, 2011 - 6:19pm
Louise
Parenting specialist
DoppleMe

Ah I see, I think I was wondering if your exhaustion from the job would help you sleep better without any tablets. Maybe it will in time, as it is natural to be a bit anxious in the early days of a job....not very conducive to sleep! However it does seem as if you are sleeping better than before, time will tell Smile

Posted on: November 19, 2011 - 8:56am
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Feeling totally drained today, and tearful too. The staff are nice, but are soooooooo clicky, sometimes it is just unbearable. Two people have told me what has to be done on Wednesday regarding the strike, C's teacher and mine is on strike. I assumed I would be able to make my time up, but these two people said, 'definately not, you have to come in'. I approached the Head, and he was great, saying it was fine to make up hours on another day. What are these people's problems? They are both full time, so maybe they didn't like the idea of me not going in. Tough!

Teacher I'm with can be a pig too I've decided. He's a ruddy workaholic, keeps kids in at breaks, for nothing, in my opinion. Has had me running around twice now, at 3.30, for something that should have been done before home time. Today it was homework paper, which he decided to do at 3.30. I left classroom at 3.45. Also means the parents are hanging around for their children. Just because he might not have outside commitments.

Head asked if I wanted an extra job, dinner lady. Said I would think about it, as I have to consider hours etc. Another new person was also offered dinner lady job, but whereas I kept it to myself, she told them in staffroom, which didn't go down too well with some of them that would love extra money. (Glad I didn't say anything)

All in all, not too good a day, the kids are rude, don't listen, and are horrid to each other, and it's only Monday!!!!

Posted on: November 28, 2011 - 6:30pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Loads of hugs.  That doesn't sound like a good day.

The Head is your boss, so he is the one to listen to.  So long as you don't lose pay...

When my lot were in primary they would often come out a lot later than 3.30pm.  Late enough for those in the secondary school to walk to the car without rushing.  It's the rainy days that this seemed to happen on.

Posted on: November 28, 2011 - 7:08pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

When I started work in Tescos, there were cliques and really I never became part of things in the years I was there.

When I moved up to the store it was six weeks before I was acknowledged by the night crew on the front (tills and shelves close to tills).  All because I'd been given the job that one of them had applied for.  I'd been given the job as an outsider, so had no idea why I was being ignored.  Eventually they saw I was hard working and I didn't let them see how I felt.  I'd stop in a layby to cry when I finished that shift at 4am.

However, once they did start to speak to me, it was ok and they were a good crew - far kinder than those on the day shift in the garage (mainly on my own on nights when I was back in the garage).

It is going to be so different being a member of staff though, and it will settle.  Its a new routine for you and C, but it will be ok.

You are so brilliant with the children, h, you really are.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted on: November 28, 2011 - 7:19pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Awww thankyou Sparkling. I do try with the children, but like I've said, they are hard work, and much bulchier than last year. I'll pull them into line though Smile

Posted on: November 28, 2011 - 9:34pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

I know you will.

xxxx

Posted on: November 28, 2011 - 11:22pm
Anna
Parenting specialist
DoppleMe

These early days are always hard, you will find your niche hazeleyes! If they really are an awful bunch, you can just remind yourself that this job is just for now and your life will move on.

Now, what about the dinnerladying? Would it affect your benefits?

I imagine it could be quite exhausting especially after spending all morning with the little nippers, however if it brings in extra cash, hey why not, even if it is just for a term.

So tomorrow you don't have to go into school! It will feel like a naughty break! Hope you both have a good one Smile

Posted on: November 29, 2011 - 5:52pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Little nippers isn't quite the word I would use to describe them Anna. I am in agony with my back, after leaning over desks all afternoon, helping them make items of clothing. Can you even believe, some of them couldn't even cut with scissors!!! Honest to god, it's like working in nursery with some of them, so needy, and yet they are more than capable. I know they are because of last year. I tried talking to the teacher today, and he blanked me twice and walked out of the classroom. Pig. There was a meeting too this afternoon, which I should have been involved with, but he asked me to help the supply teacher instead. Not a problem, but then on the way out, he asked her if she could stay for 15 mins so he could run through it with her!!!! Hello, what am I then, a ruddy lacky! Now sitting with water bottle on my back, and wondering why he is like this. I don't think it's me, as I get on okay with some of the other staff. He wanted something of the table today, and instead of asking me, (as you would have thought), he pointed at me without saying a word. PIG PIG PIG

Rant over for now Tongue out

Posted on: November 29, 2011 - 6:40pm
pinkgrapefruit

Hi hazeleyes, sorry you have had a bad day, I can really understand what you are having to put up with.  I just can't understand why the teacher is being so rude to you - there are people like that at my school too who have really upset me at varying times, I'm trying to just accept that its their problem, not ours.  At my school they tend to be people that have never worked anywhere else, and just seem to think they can treat everyone (staff included) as a naughty child - sounds like he is doing the same to you to on some kind of power trip - don't let it get to you, although i realise that is easier said than done.

I'm shocked by how badly behaved or how few skills a lot of pupils have - i think we all assume everyone brings up their kids like we do ours, but they really don't! Its exhausting and takes every bit of patience out of me, I'm sure it is even more demanding for you as they are younger children and hence automatically 'needier'.  Please stick with it, its still early days and which there are still lots of cliques at my school and i'm not involved with any, i don't feel quite so excluded as i used to, just because i've been there for a while now, i'm sure time will make things easier for you too.  Also remember things tend to change significantly every academic year in schools so fingers crossed after July you might not have to work with this horrid man so closely.

Keep smiling, have a lovely day with c tomorrow.  I'm taking my son to my school (we are closed to students as too many staff on strike, but i really can't afford to, so i'm taking son in and i'm going to try to tidy my classroom and get caught up with a bit of stuff :))

 

take care

 

pg x

Posted on: November 29, 2011 - 10:45pm
Louise
Parenting specialist
DoppleMe

Hello hazeleyes, pg has given you some good advice and she has the voice of experience from her teaching job. I have been a volunteer at school, and also of course a parent and I agree some teachers do speak down to everyone.

You will be extra tired for the first months, and as Anna says, this is "for now" and while C is little.....who knows how things will pan out in times to come? I am delighted to hear that you are cutting yourself a bit of slack in the flat, you need your rest as well!

Posted on: November 30, 2011 - 10:32am
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Thankyou. I've decided to speak to the teacher on Friday, during the swimming lesson. Maybe he feels threatened or something, me coming into the classroom, already knowing the children. Anyhow, I shall be very nice, and ask him if I'm doing everything right, explain that I've not done this before (in case he isn't aware), that I only volunteered for a few hours, so this is all completely different. Ask if I should or shouldn't be doing certain things. Just see if I can get him on side or something, I don't know, but at least I'll feel that I've tried everything I possibly can.

 

Posted on: November 30, 2011 - 10:39am
Louise
Parenting specialist
DoppleMe

Yes that sounds like a good idea.....and if he says yes you are doing everything right, could you then follow up with "..because sometimes you seem to be cross or not answer me" (no Victor though, just calm and pleasant, well I know you will be)

Posted on: November 30, 2011 - 10:42am
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

How sure are you Louise, hehe.

My friend, who was a Headteacher told me that teachers can be very off, and sometimes don't even want someone else in their classroom. Her daughter, (she's recently started at a Primary school, as a Teacher), had an awful time with a teacher. Ignoring her, not helping whatsoever, and made her training a complete misery.

In the staffroom, there are chairs that some think are just theirs, and wo betide if you sit on them! I mentioned this to my friend, and she laughed, saying all staffrooms are the same. I'm so glad it's not just me, being paranoid, lol.

Posted on: November 30, 2011 - 11:52am
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Nought as queer as folk, they say, don't they?

Its sad though that others feel they have the right to exclude and isolate.

Posted on: November 30, 2011 - 12:36pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

So true

Posted on: November 30, 2011 - 2:17pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

xxx

Posted on: November 30, 2011 - 2:27pm