6 kids and been through it all

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nat0781
DoppleMe

hi im new just joined today and im not quite sure what to write cause u name it ive been through it i have 6 kids all ranging from 13 to nearly 2 and always seem to end up in disasterious relationships ending in police being called for some reason or another have no friends and no real family to talk to and so depressed that things feel like they cant get any worse

Posted on: July 30, 2012 - 4:31pm
Anna
Parenting specialist
DoppleMe

Hi nat0781 and welcome to One Space. No doubt you have lots of advice with 6 children ranging between 2 and 13 years old!

You say that you have no friends or any real family to talk to. Is that because of the relationships you have been through, that you have lost friends along the way? Are all ties broken with your family?

How do the children get along with one another?

You say that you are feeling depressed and that things can't get any worse. Can you tell us more about what is going on for you?

Posted on: July 30, 2012 - 4:33pm
nat0781
DoppleMe

last relationship i had we had mutial friends and as he has no ties or commitments hes able to go out if and when he feels so he slated me to all my so called "friends" and they all felt sorry for him cause i left him so all took his side as everytime were in the same place he causes problems even down to being physical with me so i didnt go out when he was around my mates and now my so called "best friend " of 8 years assulted me a couple of weeks ago.

my boys who are older pretty much fight most of the time and it gets me down but my 2 youngest who are girls play fine (most of the time anyway)

my mum is the only family member who i talk to and were not very close at all so i cant discuss anything with her as shes never been very supportive of major things that have happened in my life my brother and sister stopped talking to me after i wasnt happy as they brought my eldest a birthday present and none of the others got anything

Posted on: July 30, 2012 - 6:47pm
Sally W
Parenting specialist
DoppleMe

Hi nat0781, and welcome along to One Space, it sounds like you have had abit of a time off it.  How awful that your friend assulted you, that must have been a big shock, i hope that you were not badly hurt.

Your boys behaviour sounds pretty normal, what stratergies are you using at the moment to try and improve their fighting?  I have four children myself so know that dealing with many different characteristics can be hard work.  Family dynamics can be so difficult.

Have you recieved any support from a Domestic Abuse service? Have you spoken with your Dr about how low you are feeling? 

 

 

Posted on: July 30, 2012 - 7:40pm
nat0781
DoppleMe

my doctors hand out antidepressants like there candy been on pretty much all of them and nothing really seems to help i have done the freedom program in my local area a few years ago which did help me to see the many ways of domestic violence but hasnt stopped new partners in the end becoming domesticaly violent

Posted on: August 1, 2012 - 8:35am
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi nat0781. Welcome along to One Space. You've had a bad time of it all round haven't you? Really sorry to hear that you were assaulted too by your best friend. Did you bring charges? How about other parents at the kid's school? Do you chat with any of them? That could be a way for you to make new friends perhaps?

You say you've been on antidepressants, but they haven't really helped. Have you ever seen a counsellor? Talking things through could help.

I look forward to 'chatting'. You'll receive lots of support here, so keep posting.

Have you any plans for today?

Posted on: August 1, 2012 - 9:30am
nat0781
DoppleMe

no i didnt call the police  i just left and some of the people at the school are friends with her so alot of rumours are spread and im a really shy person so i will go out of my way not to make eye contact or talk to anyone

ive been asking to speak to a counseller for eight years after i lost my little boy when he was only 5 weeks old but they refused to and said i need to deal with things myself they wouldnt even let me have anything to help me to sleep.

no no plans for today as its a bit wet and its never easy hauling 6 kids around and keeping them all happy

Posted on: August 1, 2012 - 1:02pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

I'm so so sorry that you lost your little boy. You need to go back to GP and insist on seeing a counsellor. I cannot see why they would refuse you. I'm sure Louise can help you on this one.

The shy bit I can really understand. How about chatting to someone in the park maybe? Toddler groups, do you go to any of these? To be honest, I never liked them, so only went on a few occassions. Is your Mum in a position to help out with the children, so you could maybe do some volunteering? This is also another way to meet others. Again, I understand what a huge step this is, especially when you're so shy, but I found, once I took the bull by it's horns, I was okay. I volunteered at my son's school for a year, and absolutely loved it. Also led to me getting a position there too.

Posted on: August 1, 2012 - 2:37pm
nat0781
DoppleMe

i dont goto any groups anymore as my ex best friend goes to the local parents group and her close friend works in the local childrens centre so in those ways im stuck

mum my wont watch the kids like i said before shes not very supportive of me and when i goto the park with 6 kids and 1 pair of eyes i dont get time to talk to anyone there

Posted on: August 1, 2012 - 3:10pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Do the children see their dad? Was just thinking, if they did, this would give you a much needed break for a few hours or so. What are your neighbours like? Do they have kids?

Posted on: August 1, 2012 - 3:28pm
kiera

hi how are u, must b hard 6 kids, i av 4, well my eldest daughter is 19, i av 2 sons 14 and 10 and 20 month old little girl, i feel lonely, i av mates but they av their own lives ,just me and kids all time,my mum not well and my dad so i dont mither them really, out of bad relationshipxxsic meeting nuttersx

Posted on: August 1, 2012 - 4:00pm
Louise
Parenting specialist
DoppleMe

Hello nat 0781

First of all I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your child. My first son was stillborn so I know how difficult it can be.

The GP can indeed refer you for counselling but it tends to be for only six sessions or so, whereas from the details you can have given, you would benefit from longer term work. You can get this free or very cheaply. Of course you would have to find a time when you could be child-free to go. Please ring Womankind and  see what they suggest.

I know it is really hard to focus when you are so busy and have been through so much but it is really important for you and the children that you tackle this now and can begin to feel stronger.

I also think that you could begin to think about making some new friends, for example through the school playground

Finally, contact your local Home Start here. It is an organisation that provides volunteers to help out in families who have a child under 5 years old

Posted on: August 1, 2012 - 4:27pm
kiera

i am sorry u lost ur little boyxx

Posted on: August 1, 2012 - 7:00pm
happy mamma
DoppleMe

Hi Nat0781

Im sorry you are having such a bad time. I have 4 children getting someone to babysit or watch them for half an hour was really hard/impossible when they were little.

You will love this site it the best thing I ever did was find this place

Keep talking and accept all they help and suggestions offered you will soon feel better and stronger enough to deal with anything that comes you way

 

HM x

Posted on: August 17, 2012 - 2:42pm
kiera

hi hu nhow are u, ope ur ok,x

Posted on: August 17, 2012 - 3:05pm