Work and Stress

Many parents find it difficult to balance the demands of their jobs with the needs of their children.

Looking after children is often stressful but trying to meet the demands of bringing up children and working as a single parent can test anyone.

A certain amount of stress is natural but it is important to be aware of your stress levels, and realise when stress is becoming unmanageable. Having responsibilities such as a job can give you a sense of purpose, but feeling that you have to cope with too much can cause stress.

Stress affects people in different ways. It can make us feel irritable, tired, miserable, bad-tempered and/or tearful. It can cause loss of appetite, knotted stomach, make you grind your teeth and sweat more. You can't concentrate and forget things more often. It may cause you to smoke and/or drink more alcohol. At worst, it can lead to panic attacks, insomnia and severe depression. Stress can also cause or contribute to physical problems, including headaches and migraine, asthma and eczema.

Stress affects the way parents relate to their children, so it’s really important for parents to acknowledge why it happens and how it makes them feel. Parents who are stressed tend to be less emotionally available for their children and less tolerant of the challenges of children's behaviour. When stressful situations have been identified can parents take steps to cut down the stress in their lives, and thus reduce the harm that their children may suffer.

If you are worried that your work is interfering with good parenting, you may need to look at ways to get the balance right. There's nearly always something you can do to reduce the stress you feel and make life easier and there are often people who are willing to help. Remember that childhood is over in such a short time and, once gone, there's nothing you can do to bring it back.

10 Top Tips to help you and your child deal with stress & work

1. Always let your children know that they are more important than your job, and listen to any concerns they might have.
2. Explain what is happening to your child when you go to work, and reassure him/her that you will be coming home soon. Try not to leave your child with too many different carers, and choose good quality childcare.
3. Why not write down what you do each day and mark the stress points and the times that you enjoy most? Are there times in your day when you feel so anxious that it can make you angry with your children? If so, try to think what you could do to ease the tension and make these situations easier.
4. Let go of some of the housework – just do the essentials.
5. Develop and nurture several sources of support, whatever happens, it is always easier to cope if you have supportive family and friends.
6. Take a break when possible. Even the most demanding schedules allow for five minutes to sit quietly, think and drink a cup of tea. Make space for quiet times for your children as well as yourself.
7. Look after yourself. Exercise is a good form of stress reduction. Walk or cycle when possible instead of driving. Maintain a healthy diet, try to eat your five servings of fruits and vegetables per day! Drink your eight glasses of water each day. Get enough sleep!
8. Get up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.
9. Say ‘No!’ to extra projects, social activities, and invitations you know you don’t have the time or energy for. This takes practice, self-respect, and a belief that everyone, everyday, needs quiet time to relax and be alone.
10. Unplug your phone. Want to take a long bath, meditate, sleep, or read without interruption? Drum up the courage to temporarily disconnect, or use an answering machine.

Ask for help

It is not unusual for adults to take out their anger and frustration on their children, or blame them for the problems in their own lives. Stress can sometimes push parents past their limit and lead parents to discipline or punish their children in ways which may do them harm. If you feel that stress is making it difficult for you to be a good parent, get help by contacting one of the organisations listed below and/or your GP.

Family Contact Line telephone listening service for people dealing with family issues and stress 0845 120 37 88

Threshold Information Line for Women experiencing mental distress. Freephone 0800 808 6000

Young Minds Helpline Advice for adults with concerns about the emotional well being of a child or young person 0800 018 2138

Parentline Plus Help & advice for anyone looking after a child 0808 800 2222

ADHD Family Support Group Advice for the carers of children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder 01373 826045

Contact A Family Helpline For families caring for children with disabilities or special needs 0808 808 3555

Association for Postnatal Illness Advice and information for women with postnatal illness 020 7386 0868

For more information on work go to the work section of Your Money.