Toddlers to teens

Being a parent is one of the most demanding and rewarding jobs we can do.

Like most things it is more successful if you have confidence in what you are doing and how you are doing it. Many single parents may find this difficult – there is no-one else there to back us up and re-affirm what we are doing. We are often trying to compensate for the lack of another parent in our child’s day-to-day life and, when first becoming a single parent, find a new role for ourselves. Add to this the discrimination and blame we get for all society’s ills, it is not surprising if we are unsure of our parenting skills.

There is no ‘right’ way to bring up your children and we all have our own ways of tackling things. Children, like parents, are individuals with different personalities and it is important to remember this. Different approaches may be needed for different children within the same family. However, there are some common points which parents suggest: 

• Be honest - even with very young children 
• Listen - children have the right to express themselves - and try to see things from their point of view 
• Set reasonable limits - children need boundaries (and they will keep testing them!) 
• Be firm and consistent but allow for some flexibility - children need to learn negotiation skills 
• Let them know how you feel - children learn about emotions and how to deal with them from parents 

Terrible 2’s

 A two year old is busy exploring the world and in the process finding lots of things they can’t or shouldn’t do. They have feelings they don’t understand and are struggling to sort out who they are and how they feel about the people around them. They make contradictory demands because they feel helpless and confused. This may make them appear bossy (not needing our help) or fussy (trying to assert themselves, or control their fears).

Some children may be clingy and some will go for the complete temper tantrum – showing the turmoil they feel inside when they can’t cope and don’t know how else to express it.

Remember, all these behaviours are a normal response to a changing and confusing world and are part of a child’s development. As parents we have to find ways to cope and not lose control, but give our children the support and reassurance they need.

Other parents are a great source of support and advice. If you have a query about any aspect of parenting, or a viewpoint to share, go to the online parenting group 

Teenagers

Underneath the clothes, make-up, hair, piercings, etc., they are still the same person. Teenagers struggle with their identity – trying to work out where they belong – and friends may seem more important than family. They still need as much love, support and tolerance as they did when they were two. Confidence and self-esteem are at a critical point (although the opposite may appear to be the case) and they may not react well to criticism. At the same time, they are under pressure to do well in exams while their hormones are leading them elsewhere. Young people need to know that, although you may not like their current appearance or behaviour, you still like and value them. They need the freedom to try things out for themselves, maybe to reject your values, but to know you will still be there for them when they need you.

As single parents we may find our lives so interwoven with those of our children that it is hard to let go. We have to learn to do this so our children can take on more control and eventually manage their own lives.

Further information

Understanding Childhood Leaflets on children’s emotional development from birth to adulthood are available to download from
Understanding childhood website. 

Parentline Plus
Help and advice for anyone looking after a child, via phone or email Freephone 0808 800 2222. They also run parenting classes and activities in local areas.
Parentline plus website

Contact a Family
Help for families who care for children with a disability or special need Freephone 0808 808 3555.  Con
Contact a family website

Young Minds Parents’ Information Service
Information and advice about the mental health of a child or young person.
Freephone 0800 018 2138
Young minds website

Sure Start
Local Sure Start Children's Centres offer support to parents and carers of children under four.
Sure start website