Interview with single dad

Interview with a single dad with 3 children, two boys and one girl aged 11, 9 and 6.

When and how did you become a single parent?

I originally separated from my ex partner 8 years ago. My wife has since been diagnosed with split personality disorder and was sectioned. It was only when I was due for my usual holiday access, I found that the children were not at their home but had been put into care. I had to apply to the Courts for residency as we had never been married and I have now been a single parent for 2 years.

How did you feel about being a single parent?

At first I was quite anxious; I was not used to being around the children 24/7, only during school holidays. I had moved away from our original family home and had made a new life for myself. When I moved back to the area to have the children, we were unable to access any of their belongings, so I had to buy everything from scratch, including toys, clothes and furniture. I was brought up to believe that the home is the woman’s domain and that being the wage earner was a man’s role. So this was all new to me! It still makes me anxious now, if I am honest!

What does being a single parent mean to you now?

It is my job; it is my life, to bring my children up to be responsible, respectable citizens, to hold their hands when they need me to and to keep them safe.

What is the best thing about being a single parent?

Sharing jokes with my children and getting to know them better and better as the years go by; my youngest one especially makes me laugh!

What is the hardest thing about being a single parent?

Mealtimes and having to learn to cook! They used to be able to eat whatever they wanted before, so they all eat very different food. I used to be a vegetarian, but because I wanted the children to have a healthy diet, I now eat meat to encourage them to be more adventurous.

What’s your favourite activity to do with your kids?

We have quite a few! They all do different activities, rugby, brownies, swimming etc, but what we all enjoy is football, not just watching matches, but playing too.

Where’s your favourite place to visit?

The beach, we visit the Outer Hebrides where the beach over 2 miles long, has white sand and the sea is blue/green. I grew up near the sea. We also go to the beaches in Wales.

What would you say has been your greatest achievement parenting alone?

Surviving it!

What’s been your biggest mistake?

Not being around as much as I would have liked when the children were smaller, spending too much time arguing with the ex through the Courts and dealing with solicitors and barristers.

What get’s you into trouble?

Saying the wrong things sometimes, I find that mothers are often wary of me. I want the best for my children, if I think one of their friends is out of line I will tell them, but it seems a lot of them aren’t used to being told off by a man. I don’t shout at them or anything, don’t get me wrong, but I will be strict if I need to be.

What inspires you?

My children….I am constantly learning as a person.

What has being a single parent taught you about life?

To have more patience and also that life is not always fair. I used to feel really guilty that I wasn’t working anymore, that I was just raising the children, but I have learnt to relax into it, they are only young once and I try and enjoy those special moments.

What would be your key message to other single dads?

Fight for what you believe in and when you have it, treasure it. Learn to let your children go a little, it’s no good being over protective, once you have that special bond with them you need to let them explore life a little.

What changes would you like to see that would help single dads?

The law is great; it involves equality between man and woman. However the legal system and our cultural system doesn’t see it like that, especially when it comes to raising children and the resolving the breakdown of the family, mothers are often favoured.

Are you doing anything special for Fathers Day?

We are not doing anything special just because it is Fathers Day, but we will be going for a picnic, just them and me. To have all three of them together at the same time – it’ll be special. Simple things like that I enjoy.