Top 10 Tips for family members of drug and alcohol users

It is increasingly recognised that when the family members of drug and alcohol users find support for themselves, they not only improve their own quality of life but the users as well. The user is more likely to enter treatment, stay in treatment, reduce drug use or stop altogether and their chances of relapsing after leaving treatment are decreased.

1. DON'T PANIC   

Often when you find out about someone’s drug or alcohol use it is quite a “shock”.

This is normal, drugs are a very emotive subject and your anxieties, confusion and anger can lead to unhelpful reactions that may end up making things more difficult for yourself and others.
Take the time to calm down and if possible remove yourself from the situation. Clear thinking will allow you to react and respond effectively to the situation.
If you are in any danger from abuse or domestic violence contact the police or your local domestic violence unit.

2. COMMUNICATE
It is important for you to try and find out what is going on, so write down a list of questions you might have for your loved one. Consider when a good time to talk might be, preferably when the user is not intoxicated and often people are more approachable at different times of the day: morning, afternoon or night.

3. KEEP IT IN THE "I"
When communicating, try to remain calm at all times, take a deep breath and hold it for 5 to 10 seconds, don't let any accusations or blame get the better of you; let it go over your head.
Try to remain as factual as possible and refrain from accusing or blaming the user; this is hard to do but remember at this stage you are trying to get an accurate picture of what is happening. You may want to express how this is affecting you but keep it in the "I", e.g. "I understand you are angry but I feel really concerned and anxious about this situation".

4. BLAME
Drug and Alcohol use is a very emotional issue especially when it affects someone you love.  People use for a thousand different reasons and make their own choices for their own reasons. Blaming yourself or others consumes your energy and can lead to high levels of anger, frustration and irrational thinking. It is hard but try not to blame yourself or others, focus more on solutions and problem solving.

5. KNOWLEDGE
Not knowing about drugs and alcohol is one of the main causes of stress for family members. Often we rely on rumours and myths, which can be frightening. At your local drugs agency, library, social services dept, community centre, internet etc. you can find the services that deal with these issues and can give you the correct information and knowledge.

6. CLOSE SUPPORT

Often family members will isolate themselves and try to hold things together, they very rarely consider that they might need support themselves, making them much more vulnerable. Do you have a friend or family member you trust, who is more likely to listen than to judge? It always helps to talk and get things off your chest; talking about the situation out loud can often help you see a different perspective.

7. SUPPORT GROUPS
Many services out there offer support groups and many people access them. Why? When we are affected by drugs and alcohol issues in the family we often isolate ourselves and think we are the only ones affected by this. Meeting others in a similar situation lets you know you are not alone in your experience and you can be with people in a confidential and non-judgemental environment who understand and can help. As well as receiving support you may be in the position to support others, which can be rewarding and therapeutic.

8. PROFESSIONAL HELP 
Approaching services for help can be very scary but many can testify to the benefits of receiving professional help. Research shows that family members suffer similar psychological and physical stress symptoms to those of the user and those family members who access treatment not only improve the quality of their own lives but increase the chances of the user accessing treatment and reducing or abstaining from alcohol and drug use.

9. IF IN DOUBT 
If you are confronted with finding unusual materials or substances indoors, your loved one behaving out of character, intoxicated or unconscious always seek help and advice.
If concerned about confidentiality, the ambulance service does not contact the police after being called to drugs incidents and all drugs services have confidentiality policies. Best to be safe than sorry.

10. THE BIGGER PICTURE 
Often focusing on one person can be emotionally and physically consuming and detrimental to other family members and friendships. Using an organisation that support users and their families can help you to focus on yourself and manage everything else going on around you as well as your relationship with the person you are concerned about. Taking a step back and seeing the bigger picture means maintaining your home, family, job, social life and boundaries.

Further Support

To find local support on drug and alcohol addictions try One Space's 'Your Local Support and Events' where we list a range of support services in your area.

www.kwads.org.uk If you are a parent, grandparent, brother, sister, relation or friend affected by someone’s drug and alcohol use the Knowle West Alcohol and Drugs Service (KWADS)

www.addaction.org.uk – the UK’s largest drug and alcohol treatment charity.

www.al-anonuk.org.uk - provides support to anyone whose life is, or has been, affected by someone else’s drinking.

www.talktofrank.com – An A – Z list of drugs, their names, uses and effects.

www.adfam.org.uk – The leading national organisation working with and for families affected by drugs and alcohol.