Avoiding Stress at Christmas
Whether it’s money worries, problems with your ex-partner or your own emotional rollercoaster, Christmas can be a stressful time when you are parenting on your own. Here are some stress-busting tips to help you through the festive season:
I can’t afford it
- Make a budget and stick to it, for presents and food
- Tell yourself that it is not worth being in debt for the rest of the year because of one day, see Top Tips to avoid Christmas debt hangover
- Consider home-made gifts and activities see our One Space guide to a creative Christmas on a budget!
- If children are small you can buy lots of cheap things at charity shops/jumble sales/school fayres
- If children are older, they are old enough to understand that money is short.
- Send e-cards to friends who are online
- Resolve to start working toward next Christmas earlier next year
The big day
- Think about what you find stressful about Christmas Day
- If it is the cooking, get as much ready as you can the day before. You can even cook the meat in advance and re-heat it if necessary
- If it is the noise and mess, make sure you all go out for a walk at some stage, you to clear your head and the children to burn off some energy!
- If it is other people, that’s more difficult. Take short breaks and invent “jobs to do” which get you out of the room. Practise some deep breathing and think of a mantra to repeat to yourself. Still go out for a walk; it diffuses tension....and resolve NOT to have stressful company next year.
I don’t want my children to spend time with the other parent
- Children do not place the same emotional emphasis on Christmas Day being fixed, and will be delighted with two celebrations. Your “Christmas” can be any day you want it to be.
- Make the most of any child-free time to do things YOU want. Eat what you like, watch your favourite movie, pamper yourself, read more Top Tips for when your child is away.
- If you have a considerable period on your own, consider volunteering to help people in need (see below)
My children wonder why their mum/dad isn’t interested
- Minimise the hurt to younger children by saying that mum is “away”, especially if the separation is recent.
- Be more open with older children. It is Ok to say that the other parent “was not ready to be a dad”. Acknowledge their emotions.
- If this feels like the other parent is getting away with it, remember you are doing it for your child’s sake.
- Reassure your child that you are there for them and tell them you are so lucky to have them all to yourself
- Make sure you get some “me” time, even if it is brief. Encourage younger children to play Sleeping Lions after lunch, and older ones to “have a bit of time to themselves”
I feel so sad that things have changed
- Think of the things that are better this year: you can be in charge of how you celebrate, you don’t have to tolerate so many relatives and this is the start of a whole new phase of your life.
- Life does change, for all of us. Feel proud of yourself for the way you are coping with those changes.
- In what ways can you spoil yourself? Will the budget stretch to a small gift for yourself or how about looking on the Net for some of your favourite Christmas tracks? (see below)
- Find a trusted friend you can talk to, or see links below.
Top Tips
Stick with what you can afford-but give yourself a little treat.- Children remember the fun they had, not the gift they received.
- Use time they have with the other parent to have a well-deserved break and do something you enjoy
- Share with others on One Space, visit Your Talk and join in with Anyone have any top tips for xmas?
Useful Organisations and Links
For emotional support 24 hours a day/7 days a week call the Samaritans on 08457 909090
Christmas games to play with the family, although some of these games mention you need 4 people or more, we disagree, you can play most of these with just you and one child!
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