Myths about Domestic Violence

Women are responsible for abuse they suffer if they provoke their partner. 

Answer: False. Perpetrators of domestic abuse always have a choice about whether or not to use abuse, threats or other controlling behaviour or not in situations of conflict, discussions or arguments or simply where they want to get their own way. The victim may disagree with the perpetrators’ views, want to discuss a dispute in the household or wish to do something that the perpetrator doesn’t want her to do. That doesn’t mean she has provoked abuse, though this will often be the way victims, perpetrators and others describe it. (Source: Gondolf, 2002; Dobash et al, 2000)

Domestic abuse rarely affects children. 

Answer: False. Most children who live with domestic abuse are aware of it and are affected by it in different ways. (Sources: Mullender et al, 2000; Humphreys et al, 2000) 

Children living with domestic abuse are rarely hurt by the abuser.

Answer: False. It is difficult to say exactly what proportion of children living with domestic abuse are also abused by the same perpetrator but research has estimated that between 25% and 75% of children living with domestic abusers will also be abused by them. The wide variation in figures is because definitions of abuse vary, some children and some parents are more or less likely to talk about child abuse at different points in the process of leaving an abuser. (Sources: Stark and Flitcraft, 1988; Mullender et al, 2000; Humphreys et al, 2000)

Domestic abuse is more likely to have affected people on low incomes than others. 

Answer: True. The British Crime Survey found that this was true but the researchers also stated that this might not indicate that poverty itself was a risk factor. From the way the data was collected it could mean that domestic abuse had caused some of the low income status. (Source: Coleman et al, 2007)

Most abusers are alcoholics or drug abusers.

Answer: False. There is some correlation but being an alcoholic or drug abuser is not a necessary or sufficient cause of domestic abuse. Alcoholics and drug abusers who abuse their partners also do so mostly when sober. (Source: Kantor and Straus, 1987; Straus and Gelles, 1990)

Domestic abuse does not exist within gay relationships. 

Answer: False. Domestic abuse does exist in gay relationships and gay men and lesbians can also be abused by ex-partners with homophobia as part of the controlling attitudes and behaviour. However, there has been no rigorous research on prevalence and this, coupled with the lack of a national prevalence study on domestic abuse generally, means that it is not possible to say if it exists in the same proportions as for people in heterosexual couples or not.

Disabled people are much more likely to be victims of domestic abuse than non-disabled adults.

Answer: True. Being disabled significantly increases the risk of being a victim of domestic abuse. (Source: British Crime Surveys since 1995)

Women who are victims of domestic abuse are likely to be sexually abused as part of the domestic abuse.

Answer: Yes. Sexual abuse is often part of domestic abuse but many women do not identify this aspect of abuse as abusive at the time or afterwards. Many fear telling others about it and professionals also fear asking about it. For these reasons it is difficult to know whether a majority of victims experience sexual abuse or not. (Source: Mooney, 1994)

Abused people must like the abuse otherwise they would leave. 

Answer: False. Abused people find it hard to leave for all sorts of reasons, the most common of which is that they don’t want to upset the children. Other reasons include: fear that the violence will continue or get worse; fear of being killed; thinking that no-one will believe them; not knowing where to go; not knowing they have rights; not wanting to lose their home or possessions; not being able to get help. Many who do leave find that the abuse continues, that they can’t get the help they need or that their children miss their home and/or dad and so they return for these reasons. Often the abuser will not be violent all the time and the victim may think that they can manage his behaviour enough. Finally, leaving in itself does not necessarily stop the abuse. In about half of the cases in the British Crime Survey where the victim left the perpetrator the abuse did not stop and in some cases got worse. (Source: Mooney, 1994; British Crime Survey analysed by Walby and Allen, 2004)

Women who leave abusive relationships nearly always return. 

Answer: Mixed and it depends on whether we mean a permanent return or a temporary one. For most women, leaving a violent relationship is a process not an event and usually takes more than one separation and return to be permanent. The British Crime Survey found that of those women who moved out of the family home after a violent incident, 50% returned home afterwards and the rest either moved on, stayed where they had moved to or returned home and the abuser left. However of the 50% who returned it is highly likely, from other research findings, that many of those women subsequently ended the relationship. (Source: Mooney, 1994; British Crime Survey analysed by Walby and Allen, 2004)

Pregnant women are unlikely to be subject to domestic abuse. 

Answer: True. Most pregnant women are not abused. However for those women who are abused about 30% of domestic abuse starts or escalates in pregnancy. (Source: Mezey and Bewley, 1997)

Black and Asian men are more likely to be violent in the home than white men. 

Answer: False. The ethnicity of the perpetrator or victim makes no difference to levels of domestic abuse. (Source: British Crime Survey, analysed by Walby and Allen, 2004)

Older women are less likely to be subject to domestic abuse than younger ones. 

Answer: True. Domestic abuse affects women of all ages but the highest risk group is women aged 16 – 24. (Source: British Crime Survey, analysed by Walby and Allen, 2004)

Domestic abuse is sometimes perpetrated by women on men. 

Answer: True. Abuse from women to men occurs in small numbers. It is rarely more than four incidents, is mostly in single incidents and rarely causes injury or fear. (Source: British Crime Survey, analysed by Walby and Allen, 2004)

Men are more likely to be killed by their wives, girlfriends or ex-partners than anyone else. 

Answer: False. Men are more likely to be killed by an acquaintance or friend than a partner or ex-partner. In fact very few men are ever killed by a partner or ex-partner, around 6% of all male homicide victims. (Source: Home Office research department, crime statistics, homicide, removing the “Harold Shipman effect” of 2003) 
 

Women are more likely to be killed by their husband, boyfriend, partner or ex-partner than anyone else.

Answer: True. Around 100 women in England and Wales are killed by their partner or ex-partner each year, between 40 and 50% of female homicide victims per year. Women are more likely to be killed by a partner or ex-partner than by anyone else. (Source: Home Office research department, crime statistics, homicide, removing the “Harold Shipman effect” of 2003.)

Until ten years ago, women had no right to refuse to have sex with their husbands 

Answer: True. The law on rape did not protect married women until the mid 1990s. Until then, once married, women gave up all right to say no to their husbands, no matter what the circumstances. Many women still believe that this is true, which is partly why so many would not describe this as rape, even though it legally is. (Source: HMSO)

It’s not rape unless the woman shouts and tries to use force to defend herself. 

Answer: False. The law on rape now recognises that women can be coerced or threatened into sex against their will and that for many women, trying to defend themselves will be more dangerous. It is rape if the woman did not freely consent without coercion or threats. (Source: Sexual Offences Act 2003)

Research references 

Calder, M. (2004) Children living with domestic violence: Towards a framework for intervention. RHP.
Coleman, K et al, (2007) Homicides, Firearms offences and Intimate Violence 2005/2006 (Supplementary Volume to Crime in England and Wales 2005/2006). Home Office 
Dobash, R. E., Dobash, R. P., Cavanagh, K., & Lewis, R., (2000) Changing Violent Men Sage Publications
Gelles, R. (1993) “Alcohol and Other Drugs are Associated with Violence – They Are Not Its Cause” in Gelles, R. and Loseke, D. (eds.) Current Controversies on Family Violence. London: Sage.
Gondolf, E.W. (2002) Batterer Intervention Systems: Issues, Outcomes and Recommendations. California: Sage
Harne, L (2004) Are violent fathers who look after their children less likely to be abusive? On the Australian Domestic Violence Clearing House website.
Home Office domestic violence home page information for victims about policies, laws and services  
Humphreys et al (2000) Working with families where there is domestic violence; JRF Findings. JRF Findings can be obtained for free from Joseph Rowntree Foundation.
Kantor, G.K., and M.A. Straus, (1987). “The ?Drunken Bum’ Theory of Wife Beating.” Social Problems 34:213-30.
Mezey, G. and Bewley, S. (1997) “Domestic Violence and Pregnancy”, in British Medical Journal, volume 314 p 1295.
Mooney, J. (1994) The Hidden Figure: Domestic Violence in North London. London: Islington Police & Crime Prevention Unit.
Mullender, A. et. al (2000) Children's needs, coping strategies, and understanding of woman abuse (research briefing from Economic and Social Research Council, Children 5 - 16 Research Programme.
Stark, E., and Flitcraft, A., (1988) Women and children at risk: a feminist perspective on child abuse. International Journal of Health Services 9(3), pp 461 - 93.
Straus, M.A., and R. J. Gelles. (1990) Physical Violence in American Families. New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Books.

With thanks to Bristol Domestic Abuse Forum for sharing this information 

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